A Child Sitting by the Ocean

As a child in El Salvador, I would stare at the ocean in this picture, vast and loud.

In El Espino, this almost infinite amount of water expanded from horizon to horizon, flooding the consciousness of the observer. As far as the eye can see, ocean all the way to the sides. Just imagine that vast ocean pulling at your consciousness, stretching your vision as much as it can be stretched.

I sat there just watching, trying to encompass such vastness with my eyes. It pulls on the mind. It pulls with that moving uniformity, always changing and always staying the same. Nothing to break that moving monotony.

Behind me, the jungle. Which is to say, a vast nothingness. Only a hint of something behind me, also watching this ocean. And as the ocean keeps trying to penetrate my consciousness, as it almost drowns me with its almost behemoth presence.

I try to get a little bit bigger than it, to a be able to hold it. But my vision can no longer stretch. That rumbling comes from in front of me at first, but very soon that tremor of sound is encompassing me from all sides until I don’t know what is pulling at me more: the sight or the sound. 

After a while there’s no difference. There is just the ocean. Vast. And the little me that was there is subsumed by that roaring waters coming at me through my eyes and ears. Now, every little thought that tried to come up and say something, whisper something, was drowned.

I had been irrevocably swallowed by that monster. Dissolved. Even the sun who was shining harsh, hot, unbelievably hot on me, no longer seems to have a presence. Even the heat itself had become just part of that roar, part of that rumble and rolling of consciousness.

The regular movement of that vibration has by now become every sensation outside of me, and inside.

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A Whisper of Silence, this Self.

I do not have a name for myself. I simply exist without tag or form, moving without comparing any one moment with any other moment.

There is just a presence in the liquid movement all around, the flowing of the fields of light, the forgetting the words and their meanings. There is just the peaceful communion with the reality that extinguishes all illusions.

Abiding in this state I forget that there was such a thing as the world. I forget the mere possibility of existence, of sound, of light, of movement, of time. I forget, living in this eternal space, that there is a word for that space. I forget the opposite of what is. I forget the distinction between self and it.

In that forgetfulness, a slight vibration surprisingly comes. It happened, and it went. I almost missed it, almost feel that it did not happen at all. Maybe it did not happen. Maybe that slight stirring comes only from within to put a tiny mark on the perfection of that infinite silence. Maybe it’s just a habit that I have accumulated over countless dreams of existence––a slight distortion of the darkness.

It comes. It goes. It’s a whisper of silence.

I Am the Stirring in the Void

I sit in the midst of an ocean of light, sound and silence. I am nothing. I am empty. I am the flicker of the empty void. I am the organizer of experience.

I identify myself with the contents of this body. I identify myself with the memories; memories of existing earlier today; memories of yesterday, of last week; memories of years ago.

I say “I am”, “I did”, “I was”, “I came”, “I sinned”, “I killed”, “I lied”, “I betrayed”, “I did”, “I accomplished”, “I attained”, “I saved”, “I am”, “I say”, “I did”; but I know fully well that none of those things ever happened to me. They are memories stored in this body. They are events hinted at me.

All my memories of the past are like subtle shadows that begin to fade away as the dream fades away into incomprehensible nothingness, as I awake and take on this new life and this new body full of sensations, touching space, hearing, listening, moving.

I find myself in this body, having the tenuous sensation of a dream that fades away. I know myself as the meaningless flicker, the stirring in the void, forever falling into identification with the shadows of lights, the sound, the move, the heat, the refuge against the cold night.

 

My Sacred Prayer

One day this bubble of existence will burst into a million pieces, sending fire and light, and spread it all through creation.

Or maybe it will dissolve into the liquid nothingness of the solar waters that flow from that sunset that’s been waiting to come for all eternity.

It will then be so that every experience I ever had, every word I ever said, every pain I ever caused, and every hope I ever gave will turn to be just the vibrant resonance, just the booming ocean, just the happy dance, and dissolve in that ocean of experience and move amongst your shadows as meaningless signs and sights.

May I never live through that!
May the memory of me fade away in time.
May my soul not be important.
May my life not be object of remembrance below or above.
May I not be significant.

May my shadows be forgot and go their way, where the shadows go and the light of Her eyes shine brightly.

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In this Center of Life

In the solitude of the night I stay, and know that all the words and all the stories are lumps of life and meaning; and in the center I find myself trapped in an island, surrounded by life, all rushing at me at the same time.

In this center of life, I can’t distinguish anything at all. There is no name. There is no God. There is no hell. There is no movement of time and space; just the glorious silence; just the breath rushing in and going out; just her touch; the soft fingers of life holding, moving around, dancing around me.

In pain and joy, her hands play with the silent center. It moves. Sometimes I play with her by moving, talking. The light pulls my arm. The wind moves. The face looks and smiles when she looks back, and in the center of this magnificent womb, what can there be if not the warm embrace, the kiss of her ecstasy? How can there be anything but the loving kiss of the angel of death?

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The Tonal is the Screen We Place To Withstand the Visage of God

At the moment, you are staring eye to eye into the face of God, and your body is configured in the same way that the Absolute is configured, in a one-to-one relation to it; and the elements that compose your physical body, your emotional body, and your energy body are made up of the substances that were forged in the stars, active and going from the beginning of this universe.

You have all that already. How to access that and how to make that into something that’s useful to you, is a teaching that should not be a secret. The vision of the objective reality is kept away from you, primarily, by this illusion that you have programmed into your system—the illusion that we call the ordinary. We create this program of the ordinary, and we do this in order to be able to go on autopilot. It allows us to operate in this realm asleep, lazy, laid back and relaxed. If you eliminate that program, you find yourself in a jungle of light and information overload, where you don’t know who you are or what’s going on around you.

I have no idea who I am. Even when I talk about my personal history, that’s just something I plugged myself into; it’s not me. It happens to have a connection to the Toltecs, and for some reason, that seemed to be exotic or sexy for some, or maybe it’s meaningless to you. It doesn’t matter to me. I just happen to be plugged into this lifetime. This body that was born will one day die, and between birth and death it seems to be doing things and have a life. When I put all my lifetime together, I see a four-dimensional worm with a point of origin, an extension through time, and an end. It is just something I have plugged myself into right now. The program that allows you to function without having to feel lost in this jungle of light and information is the Tonal. It allows you to relax, to say, “Hello, I am so and so.” This world is created because of a feature of your body that we call the assemblage point.

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Nothing is permanent

Nothing is permanent.
Not even death.
Life runs out.
Death runs out.

Ignorance runs out
when I realize the eternal truth of the eternal empty void;
and the experience of enlightenment and the dissolution of illusion also end
with the forgetting of the illusion.

Samadhi ends with the stirring of experience.
Unending chain: a cosmic breath between creation and dissolution.
The long night of Brahma.
The eternal dance of the empty void
and her beloved, the stirring of the experience.

Preserve the Medicine Wheel

The community at Xicoco has built this Medicine Wheel, a sacred circle open to all people for prayer and healing. We are now about to lose the land where it is built. The landlord is selling the property, and in a matter of a month, they will come in and tear this beautiful and sacred wheel apart to sell it. We have the opportunity to purchase this land, but we need your help securing the funds to open escrow.

We need your help to be able to preserve the Medicine Wheel, to continue offering it for the benefit of all beings everywhere, to continue with our sacred sweat lodge, our classes, our art, and our teachings.

The Medicine Wheel is a living artifact that is helping many find their inner guide, heal, transform their lives, and bring insight and peace to our world.

With your support, we will be able to set up a non-profit organization to preserve the medicine wheel, to continue with our sacred practices, and to promote the Teachings of Koyote the Blind.

These funds will allow us to obtain a loan to buy the land where the Medicine Wheel is.  Please help us preserve the land and continue offering the teachings, the sacred arts, and our lives for the benefit of all beings everywhere.

Click here to Preserve the Medicine Wheel

Seek the center of your Self

Ultimately, there is beyond the center of centers, there, at the origin of your attention, beyond the sense of self, the origin of all you are. This is the God that creates the world that you perceive. This is the God that sustains the life of the one that says ”I Am”. This god within has been considered the greatest of heresies of all the religions that have made a world of worship, the have created a culture that sees them, and only them, as the true intermediaries between you and god. Their success, strength and wealth has depended on you believing that you are not god; that you are only a limited ego that is a suffering fool whose only possibility of happiness depends on the graces of an external, remote god, and whose only intermediary is the church.

In this unholy trinity, a tyranny of a remote father and a tyrannical mother, are placed the only source of redemption for a child that never grows. But the truth is that the Holy Father is you, not your ego, not your identity, not even your memories, but you—the one behind the curtains of perception. You are the true God, and this vessel of flesh and mind that contains the history of humanity, that contains all knowledge and experiences, that contains the good and the bad, that contains all the teachings, and all the words of all the masters is the true church.

The marriage between God and the church produces, outside of you, the kingdom of heaven—always new, always created, always reflecting the will of god. In this Kingdom outside, the world created anew, is a true reflection of the inner marriage between the true God and the true church. This union is the true wine of ecstasy that brings the satiation of our deepest aspirations. Those who would keep humanity enslaved will tell you that it is a great heresy to believe in this God within. And I tell you that you have nothing to believe. No belief is necessary. You have to approach this as a true scientist, a true explorer of the inner spaces, and seek for yourself the knowledge of your true essence, of that which is silence and infinite, of that which is true beyond all forms, beyond all time—the center of yourself.

Seek within your heart, not the emotional or physical heart, but the center of yourself. There, you will find it. Silent. Vastly infinitesimal. All knower. Creator. Maintainer. Destroyer of all worlds. Look for the god within. Commit the ultimate heresy, and make contact with your true self.