The Elusive I Am

The being who says “I am”, implied in every sentence, the being that observes, that hears, that sees color and light, sits in the shadows between the worlds.

If I look within the source of attention, trying to find the I Am, the I Am retreats even further. When I think I’ve grappled it, when I think I have surrounded the I Am in a web craftily and carefully constructed with meaning and concerns, when I say “Ah! Here I Am!,” the I Am becomes smaller, more remote, more in shadow.

I look for the I Am, realizing that the one who searches is also the I Am, forever retreating yet always at the center of the experience.

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I Am a Figment of Your Imagination

The one who speaks and the one listens, that is the “I” and the “you” implied in a sentence, are theoretical entities. That is, they may be actual beings as, for example, the person who wrote this and the person who is reading it, but the sentence itself exists even when no one is reading it and when no one is saying it any more.

This writing stays there somewhere without any real being saying it and no one reading it. It reads as if there is an author and an audience, even if no one witnesses it, but the author and the audience become actual only when someone reads it. It is the reader, then, that gives life to the writing, making the author and the reader actual, real.

And even then, the one who writes when this paragraph is being read is not the person who wrote it, but the theoretical entity implied in the mind of the person who reads it. I, the writer, am only an entity implied by these words you read. I am a figment of your imagination, only part of you created by you through the mechanism of this language, by the magick of these words you read. “I” am only implied by these words.

Your mind creates me in your mind, yet I could not exist in your mind as the author of these words without the existence of these words, these words that never really existed until someone read them, these words that were not real until now, when you are.

The Futures that Were.

The future used to be so much better before it got so mangled in recent pasts.

I’ve been shopping around for a better future. I might have to make one myself. I can probably put something together from a couple of futures I used to have that never got used.

Or perhaps I will just drop them all, stop looking in the past for all the futures I might one day want and the ones I might come to fear, leave the future in all its styles way behind and let it vanish into the distant past like my shadow with the coming of the night.

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The Aim of the Teachings

The aim of the Teachings is to give you the tools, and facilitate the conditions, for a transformation. What kind of transformation is this? Every human being has the potential for changing their perception, their nervous system even, to the point where they become receptors of the divine. You have the potential to attune yourself to the infinite, and become a chariot of divine consciousness.

The Teachings are designed to give you the tools and the know-how to accomplish this lofty goal. This is the meaning behind the name of the Toltec city of Teotihuacan: “the place where gods are born.” The city itself was an artifact designed to create the necessary shocks and adjustments in the initiate’s perceptions, thoughts, and nervous system that connected each one with the cosmic consciousness, producing in effect gods walking the Earth in human form.

My books are such artifacts.

To do the work they are meant to do, we need to take into account the hermetic law of rhythm. Everything in nature moves with rhythm, and no change is possible without it. The reading of these books take rhythm into account. They have been carefully designed using effective esoteric principles of magick and mysticism to produce in you a psychic system capable of connecting to the source of all knowledge and all evolution.

In the end, you will come to realize that what this Teaching, as with any knowledge that comes from outside yourself, is only a reflection of what is already inside yourself.

Nothing new can be taught from the outside; all real teaching emanates from the one true source, and that true source lies within the innermost recesses of your heart. My writing can be a facilitator at best, and if you apply it with sincerity and assiduity you will connect with the eternal, infinite consciousness from which all is created. That is your true teacher, and to that source is that my books are meant to help you connect.

To accomplish this end, therefore, we must proceed in harmony with the law of nature, with science and with art, to produce true and lasting harmonious glory.

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You Are a Manifestation of the Egregore of Humanity

We are constantly negotiating with one another the limits of reality and you’re constantly negotiating who you are. But, that’s not the real you. That is only the avatar that you are picking up for interacting in this simulation, in this game.

You’re really not this particular instantiation of the self. The human mind exists way beyond the limit of your awareness, and even beyond the limits of your lifetime. It is shared with all humanity. You are truly the manifestation of human history.

Like every living creature, the egregore of humanity is growing, it is learning, it is adapting. It is making decisions at a collective level.

The human mind is a vast depository of knowledge, theories, strategies and historical data. Anything that any human being has done, experienced, thought and created is recorded in this mind. There is no action that you can ever take, no thought that you can have that is not part of the collective mind. We can keep secrets from one another because the knowledge of each person is limited to their personal history and their erroneous conceptions about reality, but the mind is aware of all this. It’s seen through each and every human being.

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Be the Author of your Story

What you consider to be your personal history is, in reality, an artistic creation. It is the story you are making up in this dream. It is possible to put the plot, narrative, and message of your life the way a scientist designs a blueprint, or you can design your life as an artist puts things together.

You may systematically, and using data, design your manifestation in this world. You can also be an artist and not only design it for a utility standpoint, but grab a seed from the vast unconscious and create a work of art.

When you think of your lifeline, you are not only remembering what happened. You are connecting events, impressions, intents, and doings. You are making decisions of what to leave out, what to emphasize, and how to see what happened.

More importantly, when you look at your life story, you thread these events with an invisible, hidden thread. This thread that unifies and arrange the memories in patterns create a story full of meaning and significance, an artistic array made of life.

Tell your story. Use it to discover the hidden threads of destiny. Tell it, even, to uncover that most elusive of beings: the author of your story. The narrative of your story implies the story teller, the narrator, the artist who creates patterns of meaning and sense and, in so doing, emerges as the unifying force in this work of art called life.

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The End of Thought

The endeavor of philosophy is to come to the end of thought, to be able to burst through the fogginess of mind into the silence–the nothingness. If you understand this, you would know that out of this silence no question comes. The question is the result of a confrontation with the silence, with death. The question can be the result of fear, the mind attempting to cover the silence with chatter, or it can be an attempt to become awake in the silence. And if one knows this difference, truly, one can perhaps come to a liberation from the trap of the mind.

The way most of us ask questions comes from the emptiness of not having an answer. The way the Philosophus asks questions comes from the answer. The way the uninitiated speaks comes from division. Yet, the question of the Philosophus comes from the unity of opposites. The answer is contained in the question as the speech in the silence.

It is there. At one point, if we manage to continue this Philosophical Inquiry, one will come to understand not only the end of thought and not only the use of language, one would also perhaps come to understand and know that the Philosophus is to utilize language as the mathematician utilizes numerical formulas–in that a mathematical problem contains its own solution. In that same manner a philosophical question contains its own answer.

To engage in a true philosophical question is to extract from it its own resolution, which means its own death. For in engaging with the question there is the death of the question. In that sense, philosophy becomes magick. Because inevitably we come to see ourselves as the most important question that this mind is posing. Out of this question, its solution emerges–solution in the mathematical sense and in the chemical sense.

This process puts false ego to the side and in the center something truer. It implies a more mature engagement of language. For the language of the Philosophus is not about validating oneself, about fears or identity. The game became wider. Now you’re dealing with the archetypal language of the human race.

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The Observer is the Observed

Is there something before this thought? The body and its evolutionary strategies exists before culture, but not before archetypal thought. Archetypes are the symbols the intelligence of the body uses to communicate with itself. Mind itself is built from these archetypes. Language is inherent to mind. There is no mind without a language. Philosophy is done with language. But Philosophy is not engaged to find a truth that can be defined with language. It is to pitch language against language. Yet inevitably we must ask, who is conducting this inquiry? Who is asking? Who is observing? You need to ask that question. Who is the observer? Can there be an observer that is detached from language? Or is the observer also thought? Is the observer the product of thought and therefore a function of language? But does it exist as an entity apart from thought? Does the speaker exist apart from speech? Does the thinker exist apart from thought? Does the observer exist apart from the observed? Or is the observer and the observed the same? Is the speaker and the spoken the same? Is the author and the story separate? Or is the voice in the story the author? It’s an important question. To understand this question is to understand the essence of magick.

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Philosophical Inquiry and the Aikido of Thought

Society, civilization, is the product of thought. All the forms we have created: government, money, religion, civility, fairness, etc., are the product of thought. Language is a product of civilization. Therefore the mind that we have, this mind that thinks in English, in Russian, in Spanish, is the product of that civilization. Civilization is nothing but the provider of form for egos and personalities.

We adopt those forms to be able to have a place in this society and to be recognized, to be named. What would we be without it? Not of this world, that’s for sure. Yet can we use this thought to break free from it? That’s the question of a philosopher. I use thought to break free from it. But if we’re seeking to form a theory, to prove an idea, to promote a religion we’re not doing this thing that I’m calling philosophy. On the other hand, if we are taking this thought, this mind that created the I and turn this thought to dissolve itself—can I pitch this thought against itself so that nothing remains? If so, can I step away from the fascination with the game of civilization? Which wouldn’t necessarily mean thought is not existent. We can still use thought as a tool; as a scientist, as an artist.

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