Lost Days

The thunder and clouds brought a herald of paradise. They penetrated the veil of night and arrived playing with the dawn. Behind stayed the oppressive heat of the last days. They stay almost in the oblivion while the sky plays with lights and stentor, teases with rain, and caresses my body with fresh breezes of lost days.

Could these be the lost days, the ones I didn’t live, the days of exile? Could this be why these lightnings smell like remembered oblivion? Could this be why this rain comes without being here, and wets the earth without falling? Could it be why this day I live without being here, remembering what I never lived, and I hug you welcomed in the absence that never was and in the void that fills me in plenitude?

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Dias Perdidos

El trueno y las nubes trajeron un aviso de paraíso. Atravesaron el velo de la noche y llegaron jugando con el alba. Atrás quedó el calor opresivo de los últimos días. Se quedan casi en el olvido mientras el cielo juega con luces y estruendos, coquetea con llover, y acaricia mi cuerpo con brisas frescas de días perdidos.

¿Acaso serán estos los días perdidos, los que no viví, los del exilio? ¿Será por por esto que estos relámpagos huelen a olvido recordado? ¿Será por esto que esta lluvia viene sin estar, y humedece la tierra sin caer? ¿Será por eso que en este día vivo sin estar aquí, recuerdo lo que no viví, y te abrazo bienvenido en la ausencia que nunca fue y en el vacío que me llena a plenitud?

The Four Pillars

These are the Four Pillars of Ego:

In the light of day,
ego casts a long shadow
that grows into night.

Such is my ego,
standing up to greet the light
of the Morning Star.

Faithful companion,
will serve until the last breath
for love’s sake alone..

Despised pestilence,
condemned by all holy writ,
guarding the most high.

(Herein is the secret for controlling the Four Princes of Evil under the sacred authority of your Holy Guardian Angel)

These Were the Times

These were the times of heresy and discovery.

These were the days Ivan (first from the right) introduced me to a Rosicrucian Order, and challenged my faith and dogma.

These were the days our maid took me to gnostic masses and challenged me to see my privilege.

These were the days of attempting to extract nutrient from flowers to feed the hungry, of seeing specters appear and glide, of exploring abandoned scientific instruments in a University closed by the army.

These were the days before the girlfriends and the bullets, before the depression and suicidal thoughts. These were the days before the hanging by my ankles over a four story building to make me panic. These were the days before the finding of my true strength.

These were my Zacamil days, when that funny looking boy, second from the right, saw the world open up and the storm of time showed him infinity and the eternal power of not being.

Was I ever truly him? How did he know to survive by becoming me?

Do Not Waste Time

Here is the third and last commandment left by Ce Acatl Topilttzin Quetzalcoatl to his four high priests:

“Do not waste the time given to you by Ometeotl, the divine dual-trinity, on this world. Labor day and night towards the good without wasting time, for you shall not know if you will live again, if you shall know your true visage there in the world of true existence. Take prudent advantage of your lifetime.”

We Toltecas learn to use death as an advisor. This doesn’t mean we brood over the certainty of death, nor that we adopt metaphysical views about it. We simply use the certainty of the end of all things, including the end of this dream of life, to help us know that this moment is of extreme importance.

More in Tolteca 3:

http://amzn.com/B010NUJH1Y

This Impulse to Know

My mother ocean, maybe she’s hoping one day to have swelled so much that one tip of her womb would breach the infinite ocean above and become one.

One with what? It does not know. It only knows that one day long, long ago it must have come down from that big, big, big heaven. One day it, the ocean, was only a drop that came down from that roaring, infinite vastness of which the sun and the moon are just two tiny creatures that play with her, that penetrate and pull her, making her give birth over and over again.

One day––and this is for sure to happen one day––she will also die and become one once again with the oceans whence she came. Then she will forget herself as the waters above swallow her whole, and her consciousness and vision become stretched way beyond her capacity to know, to think, to remember, and to be.

And so, every star, and every galaxy, and every God one day too will dissolve into the vast, vast ocean-void whence they came.

That part I know. That part I remember.

What I don’t know and cannot know is why that vast ocean of mother Binah swells once again and sets me forth into this harsh and vast light. Why again am I down here where I forget, where all I know is to yearn, and to love, and to desire?

Not even having the memory of what it was, I only have the pain of the yearning; and out of my soul, the depth of my being that has no name, no memory, no ego, nothing… but out of the depth of this pain, the memory of my origin pulls me, and the presence of God penetrates me day and night. In thought and in silence it pulls me. And out of me comes, now as a thought, then as a whisper, this little impulse to go back.

Go back… Go back… This impulse… This thing in my heart of hearts that wants to swell up, flutter up, and become and know what is there outside myself.

Can Your World Survive the Times to Come?

What planet can survive the core of a star?

Imagine a planet made of solid brass or lead, heavy and strong, in it’s immovable orbit towards the sun. At first, before it enters the limits of Pluto, this planet will be cold, frozen, heavy, strong. It would be the hardest thing that you would ever see.

As it begins to come closer to the Sun, it begins to reflect the light of the Sun shining bright as if it were made of gold––but it’s not. It is just solid metal, still cold, but as it gets closer and closer by the time it passes Venus and Mercury it begins to heat up. It is still solid, but hot.

There will be a moment when one side is hot and one side is cold, and then there will be another moment when all of it is lit with heat. And then, that planet that was once so solid, as it enters the threshold of the sphere of the Sun, it begins to liquify. What was once solid is now liquid, and then it becomes gaseous, and then it’s completely gone.

Now there is no more planet. It’s just the sun, exactly as it was before.

So it is with the birth of this new consciousness that the human being is trying to birth. All the old worlds are melting away. They’re all gone. And if your identity and your sense of safety is placed on any old world, it will melt. Only by aligning your awareness to the awareness of the New Sun can you forge a new identity; only then can you forge the type of consciousness that can carry such an awareness, and you become a little bit like that Sun dying and birthing at the same time––not in the Christian sense where you die to the world to be reborn later. It’s more like the star who is, or like a flame who at the same time that it is alive and illuminated, it is also consuming itself.

That is what the Sun is doing. It is consuming itself, and giving itself to all around. Align your consciousness to the reality of the New Sun and then you will be as a reflection of this New Sun: evernew, everdying and of irrevocable intent.

A Child Sitting by the Ocean

As a child in El Salvador, I would stare at the ocean in this picture, vast and loud.

In El Espino, this almost infinite amount of water expanded from horizon to horizon, flooding the consciousness of the observer. As far as the eye can see, ocean all the way to the sides. Just imagine that vast ocean pulling at your consciousness, stretching your vision as much as it can be stretched.

I sat there just watching, trying to encompass such vastness with my eyes. It pulls on the mind. It pulls with that moving uniformity, always changing and always staying the same. Nothing to break that moving monotony.

Behind me, the jungle. Which is to say, a vast nothingness. Only a hint of something behind me, also watching this ocean. And as the ocean keeps trying to penetrate my consciousness, as it almost drowns me with its almost behemoth presence.

I try to get a little bit bigger than it, to a be able to hold it. But my vision can no longer stretch. That rumbling comes from in front of me at first, but very soon that tremor of sound is encompassing me from all sides until I don’t know what is pulling at me more: the sight or the sound. 

After a while there’s no difference. There is just the ocean. Vast. And the little me that was there is subsumed by that roaring waters coming at me through my eyes and ears. Now, every little thought that tried to come up and say something, whisper something, was drowned.

I had been irrevocably swallowed by that monster. Dissolved. Even the sun who was shining harsh, hot, unbelievably hot on me, no longer seems to have a presence. Even the heat itself had become just part of that roar, part of that rumble and rolling of consciousness.

The regular movement of that vibration has by now become every sensation outside of me, and inside.

Triad Experiment #1

I received this Triad from my good friend E.J. Gold in 2015. When he told me he was sending it he said simply: “You’re a shaman. You’ll know what to do with it.”

I opened the package with great delight; E.J. never ceases to amaze me with the useful technologies he tirelessly provides. This time, I was not to be disappointed. Far from it. As soon as I opened it I could tell I was holding a sacred artifact. I saw in the center of the triangle a shimmering membrane, and with just the focus of attention effortlessly available to me in my Santo Sanctorum, my temple, I immediately noticed a strong and vibrant circle––or rather, a sphere––all around me protecting and sealing the temple along the lines of the edge of the protective circle I had earlier established. I noted this effect, and safely put the Triad away inside my altar for later experimentation.

Within a week, I proceeded to the first experiment. With two friends, I used the Triad as a focus amplifier to open a portal. Any reader with good knowledge of practical magick can deduce the function of a triangle. A portal immediately opened up behind us, and while my two capable assistants guarded the circle, I went through the portal and found myself traveling to different parts of the past of this incarnation.

I’ve been here before. This is the retorno, the ability to go back and forth in time at any point in time during the life of the body, to relieve and examine any moment of the life time. The portal gave me immediate access and propelled me to the different points I wished to visit. It boosted the effect, making it immediate, fast as the speed of intent, and quite tangible. I relieved key points of my life.

I went through my lifetime about six times all together, at times changing a few things but mostly coming back to this time line where I am doing this work. I ended up not so much changing anything, but polishing some rough edges of my experience and planting a few habits early one, a couple of shocks so I could remember at other key times.

Eventually, after many years of exploration and work on the life stream, I came back to my assistants and closed the gate. We went outside to assess the effects of the voyage, notated the results and again put the Triad away.

This was the first experiment. Tomorrow, I will share with you the second experiment.

These Teachings Are Not for the Personality

These teachings are not concerned with the development of your personality. They are not designed to make you more popular or likable. They are not designed to make you richer, to give you better relations.

They are not designed to boost your self esteem, to give you a better memory, to be calmer, happier, or more successful. They are designed to benefit the essence so that the essence can be transformed into a soul. It will be transformed into a soul the way a worm goes into a chrysalis and is transformed into a butterfly.

Most people do not concern themselves with growing a soul because every institution has told them that they already got one. Therefore, they do not make any efforts to grow one. Once they do, they nourish the seed dormant in every body, the seed that descended as pure awareness from the vastness of sentience of the dreamer of the universe.

These teachings, then, are not for the personality. They are meant to show the essence how to allow the personality to break apart, decompose, and absorb it as the seed absorbs the fruit that holds it.

——————–

Read more in chapter 4 of The Teachings of a Toltec Survivor.

Or listen to the chapter here: Toltec Survivor Podcast: The Personality and the Essence of Sheep