The Roaring of Her Voice

As I sat there listening to the roaring of her voice, knowing that behind me there was a jungle of life, and in front of me an ocean of time,

I could see the immensity in front of me; and behind me, the void. Everything and nothing behind me––just empty space. All that there was, was the ocean before me. All I could hear were her stories, but the stories kept coming one after the other. The images of origins and endings, beginnings and nevermores were here inside me and outside of me, and as the ocean was inside my mind, bursting it open, I couldn’t tell the difference between the ocean in me and the ocean outside.

I had no idea where I was. I had no idea what I was hearing. Voices came and went until every word, and every concept, and every memory lost any proportion and meaning. It was just sounds until no longer could I remember who or what I was, what I was hearing, what was she saying––only that reverberation that was felt through skin and spine, only the wailing until nothing else could be had, until that point of reference which is I was barely there.

Yeah. There I was, just a point of view, barely there. I, perceiving the ocean, hearing the stories. The almost I. The barely I. The uncreated. The eternal. That nothing that was not absent. That point which was ceasing to be. Unmanifested. Uncreated.

Something sat, maybe. I cannot really tell you for I did not see it sitting. There was an immensity, I believe so now. I can’t really say. For compared to what could that be an immensity?

There was a vastness that came and went that would give me moments of reprieve, when I could collect myself and think maybe enough to know myself as the teller of stories, as the thinker of thoughts, as the one who yearns for the kiss of that vastness whence I came.

I could never have enough time to consolidate this long enough before she would take me again, before my point of view would change to being a vast something that had existed from the beginning of time and will continue to exist until the end of time when the last flame in the last star goes off.

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This Impulse to Know

My mother ocean, maybe she’s hoping one day to have swelled so much that one tip of her womb would breach the infinite ocean above and become one.

One with what? It does not know. It only knows that one day long, long ago it must have come down from that big, big, big heaven. One day it, the ocean, was only a drop that came down from that roaring, infinite vastness of which the sun and the moon are just two tiny creatures that play with her, that penetrate and pull her, making her give birth over and over again.

One day––and this is for sure to happen one day––she will also die and become one once again with the oceans whence she came. Then she will forget herself as the waters above swallow her whole, and her consciousness and vision become stretched way beyond her capacity to know, to think, to remember, and to be.

And so, every star, and every galaxy, and every God one day too will dissolve into the vast, vast ocean-void whence they came.

That part I know. That part I remember.

What I don’t know and cannot know is why that vast ocean of mother Binah swells once again and sets me forth into this harsh and vast light. Why again am I down here where I forget, where all I know is to yearn, and to love, and to desire?

Not even having the memory of what it was, I only have the pain of the yearning; and out of my soul, the depth of my being that has no name, no memory, no ego, nothing… but out of the depth of this pain, the memory of my origin pulls me, and the presence of God penetrates me day and night. In thought and in silence it pulls me. And out of me comes, now as a thought, then as a whisper, this little impulse to go back.

Go back… Go back… This impulse… This thing in my heart of hearts that wants to swell up, flutter up, and become and know what is there outside myself.

There’s Only a Continuum of Sentience Between You and the Universe.

Picture yourself in the middle of a sentient universe, a conscious being who reaches within because there is nothing outside. It reaches within. It folds upon itself, exploring different levels of sentience until energy is manifested and matter is formed. I want you to picture that as a process of folding upon itself and unfolding out into experience.

This sentience is going within to know itself. It is perceiving itself on different levels, as pure intelligence, then as sound, and then as light. After becoming light, this supreme being experiences itself as cosmos, as galaxies, and finally as planetary existence.

It is not that it is creating sound and then it creates light, and then it creates stars, and then it creates planets, and then it creates things. It’s more that every layer is itself and it has a continuous unfolding of consciousness—knowing itself at different levels.

To give an example of how this is a continuum you may consider the nature of matter itself. Everything that we call matter is composed of atomic particles, and each atom is composed of subatomic particles, electrons, protons, neutrons, etc. Each one of these particles is a packet of energy, a vibration that exists for a time. The relationship between these particles is what creates what we know as the material world.

From the moment when there is light in the Universe, this same light has been coming together as vibration creating stars, creating galaxies, creating planets, creating moons, people, plants, animals, rocks and everything. There is no substantial difference between matter and energy. It is all a continuum. Matter is slowed down energy. The only distinction between matter and energy is in our conception of it, how we relate to it, how we think of it, but it is all part of the same continuum.

In that same way, there is no real difference between the mind of God and the physical universe. It is all a continuum of sentience.

The Birth of a Star Consumes the Worlds

At the present time in history, we are facing a singularity. The timelines of parallel universes, separated before, are now intertwining more and more, making us more and more aware that all things seem to be happening all at once.

So, all ideas are here, and all events are here, and all processes are here. The past and the future are just a matter of geography and directionality of consciousness. Parallel lives are becoming more and more accessible whether you realize it or not.

The stronger the center of gravity of your attention, the more access you have to all of them. Which is to say, the greater your personal power is, the more access you have to your own timelines and to past and present lives.

A threshold has been crossed by humanity, and what we are experiencing now is the moment when a star begins to try to either go completely within or to completely explode. We are in the pivot of that balance. We are living in a historical moment critical for humanity.

We are at the point where we either destroy planetary life––and the consciousness that is forming here would then send itself off to another planetary formation––or it can continue to withstand this pressure, this continuous influx of information and continuous desire for liberation.

Those are the two forces at play. One is trying to become more aware and tolerate more, and the other is trying to bring everything back to a familiar place of lower energy. Something in the depth of humanity’s consciousness is seeking to become a cosmic body. Something is being birthed as a star.

This is the fifth Sun.

The real human being is really the Sun as it walks on the Earth illuminating the dark night of the soul.

The birth of humanity as the solar consciousness is an event waiting to happen. But when it happens, it will be happening throughout all the lifetimes. It is already affecting the remote past of our history and the future towards we’re all going.

To witness this moment, the end of history, all the eyes of the masters and the angels, the Gods and the forces of creation, are attentively watching.

This moment is what we have been witnessing and will continue to witness; and unable to withstand so much information, we will continue to feel overwhelmed with too much. Too much of this, too much of that. Too much information. Because all the forms that we have created to contain the infinite eternal radiance of the Sun will no longer hold.

All the religions that you built and all the sciences and all the ideas, and even all the stories that you created since the beginning of humanity, are not going to be able anymore to give us a sense of safety and security, no longer will they be able to make us feel like we already understand the world. Because now, as soon as you accept one form of the world, the tides of reality come crushing in destroying all forms, dissolving all attempts to create a solid understanding of reality.

We Are About to Create a New Star

All of creation, during the life cycle of the universe, is counting on the moment when we can have the human being experiencing life in a planet; because it is here, in the center of the experience of the human being, that the new generation of solar consciousness can be born.

It is not born yet, but it can be born here in the world that we have created. In this human world, we are experiencing something of what the stars experience within their core. We are experiencing that not as the stars experienced it, with the influx of matter that would make them denser and stronger and therefore have us give more light.

It is happening with another type of vibration. It’s not molecular, but informational density. It is with the conglomerate of experiences––the clusters of ideas, thoughts, and information––that make it seem like more and more is happening.

Timelines are being fused together and happening at the same time. A barrier was broken a few years ago and we have entered the moment of singularity in our timelines. The timelines were more strictly separated before.

We are currently experiencing an acceleration of density of experience, like too much is happening too soon. We are experiencing an acceleration of karmic flow, and therefore we feel an overload of information.

This experiential density will result either in a shutting down of awareness and a condensation of the mind, or we will evolve into a system capable of handling more information, more intelligence, and a wider concept of what we are.

In other words, at this point in history we will either condense into a solidification of small groups firmly trapped in their own singularity of experience, or we will increase the ability of the human being to perceive, to witness, and to become.

We are experiencing the state of matter before it forms a star, and we are experiencing this not at the level of physical matter, but at the level of the Tonal, the collective dream we are forming as a species and manifesting in history. Through history, we have crated the possibility of giving birth to a new star, not in outer space, but within the realm of the human mind.

The Stars Firing Synaptic Dreams of God

Every atom in your body was forged in the bowels of a star, and everything you can perceive in this universe was also formed in a star. If this universe is an illusion, then the stars are the synaptic firings creating the building blocks of the dream of God.

Now, consider the situation before the first stars erupted with light in the night sky. The universe had never seen light, and yet all the matter that was possible was already there. In fact, most of the matter that had been created before the first stars came out was already gone.

What we’re experiencing right now is not the bounty of creation. We are on the last leg of creation. Most of the material content of the universe was already gone by the time the first stars were created. And when the first stars were created there were no planets, no life. There was just that initial light filling up the universe, and those giant stars remaining after the initial splendor.

These stars lived their lives for billions of years and one of two things would happen. Either they would contract enough until they became black holes or they would explode becoming super novas.

The ones that became super novas would give themselves to the universe, sending off everything that had been forged in their bowels and all this matter then would come to join other star systems, reaching the type of matter in these other stars. This new matter would then again form new stars and create the second generation of stars.

The new stars would again either become black holes or supernovas and then they would give rise to more complex molecules and form new stars and new types of planets until we come to this sun that we have.

Our sun is part of the fourth generation of suns. All so that we may have a very rich variety of molecular structures in order to have the complexity of planetary existence that we experience here and now.

It is with this type of planetary existence that we can form different bodies; bodies capable of sustaining life; bodies capable of carrying the type of consciousness that sentient beings have. So, we have gone through all this trouble just to form this kind of body that can carry the sentience of the universe.

Before the Light

Sometimes we speak as if the phenomenal world, the tonal, begins with light; but there is something before light. In fact, sound, that reverberation that undulates just outside the world of perception, exists before there is visible light.

Think about it this way. There is this energy burst that creates all possible matter and antimatter, and immediately most of what is created is eliminated; matter combining with antimatter, cancelling each other out. They nullify each other. And there are clusters of matter that group together and clusters of antimatter that in the explosion did not interact with one another and therefore were able to survive.

The more these surviving clumps of matter come together, the greater the gravitational pull they create, until the pull is so intense that they burst into light.

They become a star.

Before the first star emerged in the night sky, there was no light––no visible light at all. There was already matter, and a great deal of history of the Universe had already happened before the first stars started lighting up the night sky. And even that is not when creation starts.

See, matter was already existing. It was not matter as we knew it because it wasn’t this complex. There weren’t as many types of molecules. There were just your basic hydrogen and the antimatter equivalent; but they got together and created this massive amount of matter and exploded, and if there is a moment when we can pin point in the Bible a beginning of appearances is when that command is uttered with such certainty that it comes from the creator as he is flying over the surface of chaos with his bat wings and all of a sudden he says, “Fiat Lux!”

A Child Sitting by the Ocean

As a child in El Salvador, I would stare at the ocean in this picture, vast and loud.

In El Espino, this almost infinite amount of water expanded from horizon to horizon, flooding the consciousness of the observer. As far as the eye can see, ocean all the way to the sides. Just imagine that vast ocean pulling at your consciousness, stretching your vision as much as it can be stretched.

I sat there just watching, trying to encompass such vastness with my eyes. It pulls on the mind. It pulls with that moving uniformity, always changing and always staying the same. Nothing to break that moving monotony.

Behind me, the jungle. Which is to say, a vast nothingness. Only a hint of something behind me, also watching this ocean. And as the ocean keeps trying to penetrate my consciousness, as it almost drowns me with its almost behemoth presence.

I try to get a little bit bigger than it, to a be able to hold it. But my vision can no longer stretch. That rumbling comes from in front of me at first, but very soon that tremor of sound is encompassing me from all sides until I don’t know what is pulling at me more: the sight or the sound. 

After a while there’s no difference. There is just the ocean. Vast. And the little me that was there is subsumed by that roaring waters coming at me through my eyes and ears. Now, every little thought that tried to come up and say something, whisper something, was drowned.

I had been irrevocably swallowed by that monster. Dissolved. Even the sun who was shining harsh, hot, unbelievably hot on me, no longer seems to have a presence. Even the heat itself had become just part of that roar, part of that rumble and rolling of consciousness.

The regular movement of that vibration has by now become every sensation outside of me, and inside.

The Formation of a Soul in The Teachings of a Toltec Survivor

What is the message of The Teachings of a Toltec Survivor? The Gnostic Church of L.V.X. offers a clear perspective on this question. The alchemical formation of a soul as a central point of the esoteric teachings, much neglected by most modern currents, begins to be addressed in chapter 4. This point is further elucidated in the next chapter, which we will address on Thursday, August 15, 2019 during our live class discussion.

Here is the analysis from the Gnostic Church of L.V.X.:

The central teaching of this chapter is as much the central teaching of this book. And if I dare be critical, this is covered in subtext throughout the book, but really needs to be brought out; not just in the future writings of the Koyote, but in the ideas of the spiritual community, as a whole. And in the latter, it is almost completely non-existent.

The Theosophists once spoke of it and the GD and Thelemic/Rosicrucian communities have all but completely ignored it. And that idea is simply that immortality is conditional and not an integral part of your being by right of birth.

The most marvelous quote for the central teaching in this book is: “You came in as an essence. I do not call it a soul because one of the great lies that was told is that you already have a soul. Religions run by the Great Magician, do not want you to make any efforts to make a soul. They want you to be a prisoner. If you believe you already have a soul, you will note make the necessary efforts to create one.”

Indeed modern Christianity has stopped recognizing any difference between your spirit and your soul. And Aleister Crowley, who seems to recognize the importance of creating this soul, merely pays a passing homage to it, by saying in his main theoretical book on Magick that one has to create the ‘body of light.’

Even worse, these New Age groups; themselves, descendants of the foul betrayal that came to Blavatsky’s Theosophical movement, constantly preach that you have to give up your ego (soul…ego sitting at the center of the Ruach) in order to get to that essence, where they correctly assert you are already immortal. But it’s not the immortality of the created soul and the evolved individual. For any evolved individual, these pseudo-Theosophical teachings are the teachings of death; fully condoned by the Great Magician––Gnostic Church of L.V.X.

Watch the class discussion of Chapter 4 here: https://youtu.be/7Wy4oCBHv9M

To purchase The Teachings of a Toltec Survivor, click here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07RMK9D4C/

A Familiar Space

I sit suspended in an infinite ocean of light and emptiness. From this island of ephemeral beingness is that I see the source of a sound, a small stirring of something, movement and rhythm, repetition. The singing of crickets. A high pitched vibration––not yet knowing if it’s called light or sound.

It starts maybe just as a hint of something, a barely perceptible smell coming from somewhere that I simply call the familiar space.

I sit in this silence in the midst of a lifetime, knowing in part that there is another space. When I sit in intense presence, in the midst of death, I hear movements. Some coming from me. I hear movements coming from outside, from above, from below. Movements which my mind tries to categorize as familiar entities. But somehow I know that something moves outside in strange ways; presences, nameless in eternity. Stirrings of will. Subtle flickers of sound and light.

I know  I am supposed to be something, but the thing that puts together the world does not seem to be fully functioning at this moment. I see my hands. I call them my hands, yet they move on their own accord even if there is no I that moves. I see hints of legs. I hear a voice I call my voice, yet it flows from a space I cannot touch. I move my arm and I do not know how I move my arm. Out of convention I say “I move my arm,” but what produces the movement of shadows and sound? What brings the vibration, the echo of silence that surrounds this body? What brings and moves the cold within––the shadow of death?

If I close my eyes, I sense parts of my body. More accurately, I sense sensations. Around the heart, below, above, I sense a field of presence all around. If I open my eyes, I seem to feel a space before movement, yet  the space I sense is very limited; much more limited than I thought.

I push my hands against this membrane. I push the membrane and I feel you closer. Yet the idea that the world is one is only a projection of my mind. The idea that my body is one is only a projection of my mind. All I can be conscious of is the flickers of sensation––impulses of light and sound that come and move within.